D in Dreamland, T down Toilet

The Letter D 1 (Forlan 41) The Letter T 0

The Letter D: Diego Godin, Diego Perez, Demy De Zeeuw, David Silva, David Villa, Diego Forlan, Dirk Kuyt.

The Alphabet World Cup is in danger of descending into farce as all four semi-final teams struggled to raise a team comprised of players whose first names or surnames begin with the appropriate letter. The Letter T were one of the worst hit and when they made the incredible decision to start with just one player, The Letter D must have thought their moment of World Cup glory had come. Piotr Trochowski was the man who carried the heavy burden of T hearts. The D team managed to field seven players and it was this numerical advantage that surely swung the tie in their favour.

  However, the predicted goal-fest that the fans hoped for was not delivered. A tense first half yielded little goal-mouth action with Trochowski putting in an inspired performance to keep The Letter D at bay. His tireless running couldn't prevent Diego Forlan though, and when he found space (there was quite a lot of it) 25 yards from goal, he rasped the ball into the roof of the net.

  In the second half Toni Kroos replaced the weary Trochowski and in one last desperate throw of the dice, misfiring Fernando Torres was thrust into the action to swell the T numbers to two. Torres, who has scored a whopping 56 in 79 appearances for Liverpool, couldn't match the prowess of Diego Forlan, who managed just 10 goals in his 63 appearances for Manchester United. It can only be concluded that wavy blond locks are the key to finding the net in this tournament, and Torres with his new close-cropped hazelnut brown hairdo is no match for the yellow-maned Diego.

  The victory sets up a final with The Letter V, which means that David Villa who has been instrumental in The Letter D's success will be ineligible for The Letter D because surnames take priority over first names. The Letter V with Villa and the multiple Vans of the Netherlands are now firm favourites with the bookies after their 1-0 victory over The Letter H thanks to a Giovanni Van Bronckhorst thunderbolt.