Dead Rabbit

The Ballad of Bootylicious

A £20 price tag sat on her head.

She felt like an undesirable loaf of bread.

People walked by choosing others instead.

She started to dread the lonely years ahead,

Then in I walked with a purplish note;

I noticed her beautiful patchwork brown coat;

Her ears hung low, on her I would dote,

So I emptied my wallet and gave her my vote.

Her sexy wiggle meant she was christened Bootylicious

And for a while she lived with Brian* before she got a bit vicious.

The interbreed abode was perhaps not so judicious;

She was banished to her hutch where her life became repetitious.

She drank water and hopped gaily in the grass.

Her 3-60 jumps were truly world class.

Trying to catch her was tricky; she was always quite fast,

But she always made me feel special when she wiggled her ass.

Things seemed so perfect; it seemed that nothing could afflict,

But our happiness was in danger; we were about to be tricked

By a roguish thief - while on holiday she was nicked

From our garden by a lapin-loving convict.

We searched and we searched and I lost all hope

When a boy down the road said he'd seen her on the slope

Of the park in a box and I ceased to mope

And went to his house which stunk of dope.

His mum said she'd sent her off to the RSPCA.

I sat waiting for opening time the very next day

And as I entered there she sat saying, "I've not been astray,

I was petnapped and I thought my life had turned grey,

But now you're here and we're reunited,

I can barely control myself, I'm so excited."

She gave a joyful little hop and I invited

Her home and our relationship was reignited.

Three years passed and she started to get old.

I worried that the winter would prove deathly cold.

Her golf ball sized poos were something to behold.

They stuck to her behind, glistening like gold.

I went on holiday last week and disaster would come.

Maggots attacked her beautiful bum.

It was sad to see what her wiggle had become.

The vet gave me some medicine but she still looked quite glum.

This morning I got her out of her bed

To return to the vet and when we got there he said,

"For nineteen quid I will inject her in the head,"

And now sadly, Bootylicious is no more - she's dead.

* Brian is a guinea pig who briefly shared a hutch with Bootylicious, but they kept biting each other and had to be separated.