D Hold Nerve in Shoot-Out to Reach Quarter-finals

The Letter D 2 (Donovan (pen) 63, Villa 63) The Letter G 2 (Higuain 33, Gyan 93) - The Letter D win 5-4 on penalties

The D Team: David James, Paulo Da Silva, Martin Demichelis, Daisuke Matsui, Nigel De Jong, Angel Di Maria, Clint Dempsey, Diego Perez, Landon Donovan, David Villa, Diego Forlan.

  The Letter D held their nerve in the penalty shoot-out to book their place in the quarter-finals and send The Letter G back to the lonely land of gnomes, giants and grasshoppers. It was The Letter G though who started the stronger and they took the lead after a calamitous piece of defending from Paulo Da Silva. A lapse in concentration saw him present the ball to Gonzalo Higuain. The potent marksman snaffled up the present and rounded David James before popping the ball into the empty net. 

  The Letter D huffed and puffed, but repeatedly found themselves frustrated in front of goal until a dramatic minute 63rd minute in which they scored two goals. The first came from the penalty spot after Clint Dempsey was bundled over. Landon Donovan picked up the ball and calmly slotted the ball home, off the post. Not even sixty seconds had passed when David Villa found himself in space inside the box. His first effort was parried, but he kept his composure and flicked the ball over the prostrate keeper and off the kindly woodwork once more.

  The D Team thought they were home and dry, but deep into injury time a long ball caught out the D-defence and Asomoah Gyan took advantage, out-muscling Martin Demichelis before hammering the ball beyond James. 

  A cagey period of extra-time ensued with both teams seemingly happy to offer up their Alphabet World Cup future to the penalty gods. Spotless spotkicks from The Letter D put Steven Gerrard in the unenviable position of having to score to keep the letter G in the competition. With James grinning like a gibbon, Gerrard's nerve failed and his weak penalty was easily palmed away by veteran Dave. The Letter K await The Letter D in the quarter-finals.

Second Round Results

The Letter D 2-2 The Letter G (The Letter D win 5-4 on penalties)

The Letter B 0-2 The Letter H

The Letter K 2-1 The Letter P

The Letter L 6-4 The Letter M

The Letter T 4-1 The Letter U

The Letter V 2-2 The Letter R (The Letter V win 2-1 on penalties)

Own Goals 0-0 Players' Names Who Start and Begin With the Same Letter (Players' Names... win 1-0 on penalties)

The Letter Y 0-2 Players' Names That Appear in the Dictionary

Quarter-final Draw

The Letter D vs The Letter K

The Letter H vs The Letter L

The Letter T vs Players' Names Who Start and Begin With the Same Letter

The Letter V vs Players' Names That Appear in the Dictionary

Duffel Coats

I have owned a couple of duffel coats in my time: a nice deep green one that I wore in my early 20s and a chocolate brown one that currently hangs on my peg, but rarely gets worn because it is a little too big for me. I am not the only person to don the duffel however; many have gone before me. These are the top ten style icons that have chosen the thick Belgian wool to keep themselves warm and looking good simultaneously.

1. Paddington Bear

The Peruvian bear's decision to leave home with a battered suitcase, an outlandish hat, wellington boots and a duffel coat was controversial, especially when the wind was up, but whether Paddi wears his pale blue or deep red number, he always looks like the King of Bears who would have Winnie the Pooh in a fight any day of the week.

2. Field Marshal Bernard Montgomery

The British general hit the headlines when he led his army to victory in the Battle of El Alamein in the Second World War. His distinctive duffel coat distinguished him from his troops and earned him the nickname 'Monty Coat'.

3. Michael Foot

The leader of the Labour Party between 1980-1983 received much criticism for choosing to wear his duffel coat to the Cenotaph on Remembrance Sunday. People thought his informality showed a lack of respect, but The Sunday Times appreciates his individualism: "Foot's duffel... represents a time when politicians weren't afraid to be themselves". In the modern era of media spin and personal stylists we may never see the duffel coat creating static electricity on Westminster coat-pegs again.

4. Liam Gallagher

Liam's apish swagger was completed by the duffel coat whipping around his knees. The Oasis frontman has recently started his own fashion label: Pretty Green Black, and the duffel coat is an expensive potential purchase.

5. Britney Spears

Britney's loose sandy-brown number is for days when she wants to communicate disaffected nonchalance to the paparazzi, which is surely a better look than desperate fragility.

6. Cheryl Cole

Cheryl's snugly-fitting pink coat has reopened the duffel-door to the modern British woman.

7. Dudley Moore

Cuddly Dudley has been known to wear a duffel beneath his unkempt mop.

8. Alex Kapranos

Lead singer and guitarist of Franz Ferdinand's chestnut brown number is perhaps an attempt to find a place for himself in the rock and roll duffel dynasty.

9. Jonathan Creek

Jonathan Creek has only ever been a programme that I will watch as a last option, but whilst the plot delivers a merely watchable hour, the duffel coat that clings to his back cements the detective's spot in the style list.

10. Bing Crosby

Duffel coated musicians are not a modern thing: Bing and Perry Como caused kerfuffles with their duffels in the 1930s and 40s. 

DangerMouse

Why are there so many cartoon mice on our screens? Mice are the only animal to feature twice in the Top Ten Most Famous Cartoon/Comic Characters, with Mickey coming in at number 2 and Jerry sharing 5th with his hapless pursuant Tom. Whilst these two rodents have made it on to the Celebrity A List, they are not the only mice that have enjoyed time in the limelight: Mighty Mouse, Stuart Little, Fingermouse, Itchy, Maisy, Reepicheep, Speedy Gonzales, Three Blind Mice and of course DangerMouse have all held a special place in our hearts, which is a pretty staggering achievement for an animal which is largely seen as an irritating pest. Surely no other animal has, despite being disliked by the masses, held such a position in society as the not-so humble mouse.

  Troy Patterson, a movie reviewer, has a few theories on this. Firstly, he reckons that mice lend themselves to anthropomorphism. We assume that they are jaunty, fun-loving and prone to outrageous behaviour, and thus they fit well into cartoons which have larger-than-life stereotypical characters. He also reckons that they are a symbol of the misfit in society, another popular character in stories, and whilst this probably fits with the rat persona more easily, it is somewhat true of the mouse also. 

  DangerMouse never tempted me over to ITV, but he seems to have attracted many and become a cultural icon, and according to Troy, it is his mousiness that meant he was always likely to be a hit. 

D Smash A to Reach Second Round

D 4 (Defoe 22, Demichelis 77, Di Natale 81, Donovan 92) A 0

D Team: Demerit, Da Silva, Demichelis, Durica, Dempsey, Diarra, Diaby, Di Natale, Di Maria, Donovan, Defoe

The Letter D coincidentally found themselves in exactly the same position as the only team in the World Cup beginning with the letter D: Denmark. Both teams faced their rivals for qualification knowing that only a victory would ensure progress to the next round, but while the Danes stuttered and stumbled out of the competition, The Letter D comprehensively beat The Letter A, a team in disarray after star striker Nicolas Anelka was sent home for saying naughty words.

  After a slow start, Jermaine Defoe settled D nerves with his volley into the roof of the net after 22 minutes. This was the striker's first start of the tournament and D fans will hope that he has cemented a place in the team for the Second Round.

  While the D Team dominated possession for much of the game, it wasn't until the 77th minute that they caused finger-nails to be left alone. Martin Demichelis settled nerves when he rose high to meet a header from an inswinging corner from Angel Di Maria. The header didn't hit the back of the net, but the ball returned kindly to his feet and he smashed the ball home to send the D fans into delirium. 

  With A heads looked into the abyss of a first round exit, D took advantage with Antonio Di Maria popping a sumptuous lob over the goal-keeper's head in the 81st minute and Landon Donovan scoring the goal that ensured that D would finish as group winners when he finished from close range. 

  The Letter B's surprise 1-0 defeat to The Letter C meant that the D Team avoid top scorers of the tournament so far, The Letter H, and face the Letter G in Round Two instead, who drew all three of their group games.

Group ABCD

1. The Letter D: 6 points, +3 goal difference

2. The Letter B: 6 pts, +2 gd

3. The Letter C: 3 pts, -1 gd

4. The Letter A: 3 pts: -4 gd

The Second Round Draw

The Letter D vs The Letter G

The Letter B vs The Letter H

The Letter K vs The Letter P

The Letter L vs The Letter M

The Letter T vs The Letter U

The Letter V vs The Letter R

Own Goals vs Players' Names Who Start and Begin With the Same Letter

The Letter Y vs Players' Names Who Appear in the Dictionary

Rule Changes for the Knock-out Stages

To avoid dull 0-0 draws, now that half the players have left the tournament, first names and surnames now count towards a letter's total goals in a game. So, Diegos, Davids and Dereks now all qualify to play for The Letter D. However, a player cannot appear in two games, so the surname takes priority (David Villas would play for The Letter V if they faced The Letter D). If the match goes to penalties, the team whose players score and save the most penalties in shoot-outs will win. If this brings about a tie, then goals scored earlier in the competition will decide the game. If this is still a tie, then lots will be drawn. Players' Names Who Appear in the Dictionary also get the advantage of getting goals from players whose first names appear in the dictionary. Own Goals and Alliterative Names remain under the same constraints.

Dusty Doorknobs

Dusty doorknobs

Fusty jaw-globs

Rusty floor throbs

Gusty snore-slobs

Musty bore-jobs

Deafening Shrimp

I was called upon to cover a Science lesson at school today. My scientific knowledge doesn't extend beyond the D grade I achieved at GCSE and most of that knowledge (although guessing scientific words isn't really knowledge) is now forgotten. I took the Year 7 class to a computer room so that they could research hearing in the animal kingdom. Elephants have the biggest ears; starfish don't have any ears; grasshoppers have ears on their knees were some of the interesting facts that were found out, but the most interesting of facts was about an incredible little creature that I'd never heard of before: the pistol shrimp.

  The shrimp, which only grows to between 1-2 inches, has a unique and utterly brilliant way of catching its prey. It snaps its claw, generating a high-speed vapour bubble (the metaphorcial bullet from its pistol claw) that generates acoustic pressure. The bubble flies through the water at 60 miles per hour and releases a sound that reaches 218 decibels which is louder than a volcano's eruption - Krakatoa registered at 180 db - and more than the human ear can sustain. This makes it the loudest animal on earth. I was expecting a trumpeting elephant or a roaring lion, not a tiny little shrimp that swims around at the bottom of the ocean. The purpose of this aquatic racket is to kill small edible fish who cannot handle the pressure level created by the sound. The amazing facts about Shrimpy don't stop there though: when the bubble collapses it reaches temperatures of 4,700 degrees centigrade. The surface of the sun is estimated to be around 5,500 degrees, so this is pretty hot stuff. Fortunately this super-powered fish seems to pose no danger to humans although I wouldn't be too keen on going for a swim with one.

D Humbled by The Letter B

Scroll down a bit and you'll see that The Letter D made an impressive start to The Alphabet World Cup, defeating The Letter C 2-1. I have been following the World Cup from two perspectives, one as an obsessive football fan and the second as a studier of surnames. After each round of games I complete a fixture list, adding up the goals scored by each letter and seeing how they get on against each other. These last few days, The Letter D have been involved in a pulsating clash. Here's what happened:

The Letter D 2 (Donovan 48, Drogba 79) The Letter B 4 (Birsa 13, Bendtner 33, Blanco 79 (pen), Bradley 82)

The D Team: Dikgacoi, Di Maria, Demel, Danny, Diaby, De Jong, Duda, Dempsey, Donovan, Drogba, Dindane. 

The Letter B secured qualification to the knock-out stages of The World Cup with a free-flowing attacking display of football. The difficult-to-keep-out-of-orbit jabulani was expertly dispatched into the top corner by Slovenia midfielder Valter Birsa, when he found space 25-yards from goal to open the scoring. Critics pointed to The Letter D's unusual tactics of playing without a goalkeeper, but news from the camp suggests that, despite criticism and apparent disharmony amongst goal-keepers beginning with the letter D, they will continue with this tactic in their final group game.

  The Letter D were given a huge helping hand by the referee when Valon Behrami was harshly sent off for throwing an elbow in the direction of two Letter D defenders, but replays suggest that the elbow-chin connection was unintentional. The B Team quickly recovered however, with Nicklas Bendtner sliding in from close range to double their lead.

  After the break The Letter D pulled a goal back when Landon Donovan smashed the ball past Miso Brecko from a tight angle. The game was teetering on a cliche when an incredible four minutes of football produced three goals. Didier Drogba, playing with a broken arm, guided a header into the bottom corner just seconds before the referee punished Angel Di Maria for a rashly clattering veteran striker Cuauhtemoc Blanco, who became the oldest player to score this tournament when, after dusting himself down, he guided the ball into the bottom corner from the penalty spot.

  Michael Bradley's powerful half-volley into the roof of the net in the 82nd minute finished the game as a contest and left The Letter D in a nerve-jangling position leading into the final game. The Letter A's 1-0 victory over the Letter C, thanks to a goal from Hugo Almeida, means that The D Team will only progress if their win their final game against C.

  Elsewhere in The Alphabet World Cup, The Letter H narrowly beat The Letter F 5-4 in a thrilling encounter with Gonzalo Higuain scoring the first World Cup hat-trick since 2002, when Pauleta hit three goals. Incidentally, it has been 72 years since a player with a surname beginning with the letter D has scored a hat-trick: Leonidas Da Silva (pictured) was the man, scoring three against Poland. Oh, for a such a prolific D in the modern game. 

Group ABCD

1. The Letter B: 6 points, +3 goal difference

2. The Letter A: 3 pts, 0 gd

3. The Letter D: 3 pts, -1 gd

4. The Letter C, 0 pts, -2 gd

Dads

On Friday, the much-awaited Celebrity Dad of the Year was announced. It's an odd award as most fathering goes on in private. I have absolutely no idea how good any celebrity is at fathering and am unsure whether it is something you can rank in a top ten list, but I guess it is a positive thing to honour the role. Single parent Peter Andre topped the list with Gordon Brown finishing two places above David Cameron in 5th: Cameron makes a better leader, Brown a better father seems to be the conclusion of a nation. Ronan Keating, in the headlines for the wrong reasons, finished 8th with our World Cup non-performers Wayne Rooney and Steven Gerrard in 9th and 10th.  

  My weekend focusing on fatherhood was far less public, although in some ways I guess my typing fingers are now turning it mildly public. It started yesterday when my whole family got together for the first time in two years to celebrate my dad's birthday which unfortunately for him, always falls within a few days of Fathers' Day. We had a picnic and did a Wimbledon sweepstake (I feeling good about Roger Federer and Justine Henin). I wrote my dad a poem and this morning he sent me a nice text and it all felt very special.

  This morning I waited to see what my twins Ned and Jarvis had done for me. Ned started the day by poking me in the face while I was still half asleep before begrudgingly handing over a present: he was enjoying the vehicle-themed wrapping paper too much to part with it happily. Inside was the new Oasis collection of singles, Time Flies. Neither of the Gallagher brothers made it into the top ten fathers list; perhaps there is a connotation in people's minds that links cheesy pop with effective fathering? Jarvis also chose today to finally, after nineteen months and two days on this earth, take a few steps: giraffes take just one hour from birth to be able to achieve the same skill.

  Once my gift had been wrenched back out my hands, we were off to church where I sang songs to God. The day got me thinking of God as a father to me; one of the lines in one of songs about his love knowing no limit reminded me of his incredible selfless sacrifice that meant that, if the Bible is to be believed which I believe it is, I am adopted into his family. I don't understand it all, but I know that I'm grateful and it is an inspiration to try and be selfless in my own fathering, and I guess the rotten nappy that I changed this morning is a small step in the right direction.

Diarrhoea

Diarrhoea has sat on my requested list of things to write about for a while now and has rarely been a subject that I have felt tempted towards. No one wants to hear personal anecdotes and the subject is one that I have struggled to see an angle for. In the Western World diarrhoea is an uncomfortable and irritating illness, but in underdeveloped countries it is far more serious and the second greatest killer of children, killing more a year than AIDS, malaria and measles combined. The main cause is unclean drinking water and UNICEF are one of the charities that are battling to raise funds to take the simple steps necessary to save lives. The gap in wealth between the rich and poor worldwide is absolute insanity and it surprises me that commitment to Third World aid never seems particularly high on the political agenda when it comes to voting time. Surely anyone in a position of power and say-so over public spending needs to be getting this a little bit more right. 

  I hadn't meant to get political; my first thought when discussing diarrhoea was to think about the etymology of world, so here goes. It is always a tricky word to spell with the rogue 'o' seeming to offer very little to the mix. The sound of the word is both beautiful and disturbing at the same time. The harsh 'd' sets it off on a dark footing and the words 'dire' and 'ire' both seem relevant to the experience of diarrhoea, but after its unfortunate opening two syllables, it proceeds with a flamboyance and exoticism that goes against its definition, squeezing nine letters snugly into a quadrisyllabic word.

  The word itself, like many of more beautiful words in the English language, comes from Medieval Latin roots. Diarrein in Greek means to flow through and interestingly and slightly weirdly the River Rhine, which flows through seven European countries over 766 miles, comes from the same root word, rhenus being the Latin for flow. It's odd and pleasing that these two words come from the same place and perhaps when we see something beautiful like the Rhine it will be an inspiration to do beautiful things.

Drawing

American Elf is a fantastic online comic strip that has inspired me to buy an Artline pen and attempt the occasional sketch. Drawing has never come naturally to me although I did once win a competition to draw a corgi for the Queen and won a trip to Wimpy as a result, but other than that brief moment of glory my artwork has rarely been admired.   American Elf is James Kochalka's autobiographical daily diary, recording moments from every day from 26th October 1998 right up to today. That's over 4,000 mini strips and I've read every single one. Every few days I visit his site - americanelf.com - to check out what he's been up to. The most recent moment of excitement is when a canoe hitching a ride on the back of a car collided with his head - he's still struggling with a scabby eye. The normalness (most of the time) of his experiences is what makes his strip so special. Watching his children grow up at a day by day rate has made me think about what's coming up for my boys. He's honest about his relationships and his approach is unique and refreshing.  

  This week one of his strips was a drawing lesson, so I thought I would dig out my underused Airtip and follow his instructions. The result was Desmond Frogtongue, Colin the Cyclops and Punk Giraffodile.

D triumph in World Cup opener

The World Cup is in full swing, a wonderful time when I am suddenly captivated by Slovenia vs Algeria - actually I fell asleep after twenty minutes, and other discussionary topics are thrown off the agenda. With blogeration and a miniature football pin-balling around my mind, I came up with the fascinating concept of the Alphabet World Cup. My car-share actually thought that it was either utterly boring or weirdly compulsive rather than fascinating, but I shall share it with you anyway. The idea is that players are no longer defined by nationality, but by their surname, so all the players with surnames beginning with the letter A play for the same team. There are 26 letters and 32 teams in the World Cup, so as to make the fixture list work, I allowed Own Goals, Disallowed Goals (a frustrating team to support), Alliteration, Palindromes, Players whose surnames are in the dictionary and Players whose names start and end with the same letter each enter a team also. Then I put each of the teams into groups and worked out what their first game results would be. I will continue this throughout the World Cup to see which letter goes on to lift the Alphabetical Jules Rimet. Here's how The Letter D got on in the first game against the highly-fancied letter C:

The Letter C 1 (Cacau 70) The Letter D 2 (Dempsey 40, De Rossi 63)

The D Team: Demichelis, Demerit, Da Silva, Diaby, Dempsey, De Jong, De Rossi, Deco, Donovan, Dindane, Derdiyok.

The Letter D made the unusual decision to play without a goalkeeper, but still managed to clinch victory in their opening encounter against The Letter C. They opted for a 3-5-3 formation hoping that a packed midfield would outwit their opponent's more conventional 1-4-4-2 line-up. C boasted a strong defence with star player from the previous World Cup Fabio Cannvaro marshaling the back-line. Angelos Charisteas of Greece and Germany's Jeronimo Baretto Cacau led the line in what looked like a powerful attack.

  It was D though who broke the deadlock in bizarre fashion as the first half was drawing to a close. Clint Dempsey found space 25 yards from goal, but his tame effort looked like it wouldn't trouble experienced goalkeeper Iker Casillas, but his fumbling grapple with the ball resulted in it bobbling over the line beyond his reach.

  As C looked to be getting back into the game in the second half, disaster struck when Tim Cahill slid in late on Jay Demerit. The tackle looked innocuous enough, but the referee saw fit to flourish a red card and it was end of Cahill's night and perhaps his World Cup.

  Shortly after, Casillas came flapping off his line from a corner kick, leaving the goal exposed for Daniele De Rossi to stab home from close range to put D two up. There was time for Cacau to finish from close range to give C hope, but it was D who finished stronger with Eren Derdiyok hitting the post late on after evading the close attention of the defenders inside the box.

  Elsewhere in the group, the Letter B triumphed 2-1 over the Letter A with an own goal from Daniel Agger and a bundled finish from Jean Beausejour. Antolin Alcaraz replied for the Letter A. The Letter B face The Letter D in their next group game with both teams looking to cement their place in the knock-out stages.

Group ABCD

The Letter B: 3 points, +1 goal difference

The Letter D: 3 points, +1 goal difference

The Letter A: 0 points, -1 goal difference

The Letter C: 0 points, -1 goal difference

Dansak vs Dupiaza

Scientists at Nottingham Trent University, probably after a couple of shandies, got chatting about the addictive qualities of curry. The discussion led them to examining the data and they concluded that the thought of eating curry is something that actually makes people high whilst the eating of it arouses the senses that make the heart beat faster. The thought of having a curry is a thought that takes place in a whole different part of my brain to the thought I have about all other foods. It totally seems to fit that curry has druglike qualities: it's why I can eat it at any time of day, why it tastes great hot or cold, why just the smell of it turns me into a slavering moron. The choice of curry, however, is often tricky: my current favourite is the Chicken Murgh Massala which combines chicken and minced lamb in one dish. Bhunas, Dupiazas and Rogans have also found their way onto my plate on a Friday night. This blog entry takes one of my personal favourites, the Dupiaza: "a medium strength dish made with freshly cut onions and green peppers and fried briskly with spices", with one my wife Helen often orders, the Dansak: "a hot, sweet and sour dish cooked with lentils". I have chosen ten categories that a curry needs to be judged on and for each I will give a mark out of ten.

Healthiness

I guess this depends somewhat on the way it is cooked, but my brief research suggests that the dupiaza is significantly more healthy than the dansak. The dansak has almost double the amount of calories, 315 to the dupiaza's 161. When you order a curry though, you kind of want something unhealthy. The idea that a curry is good for you seems an abhorrent concept, so the dansak wins the first battle.

Dansak 8 Dupiaza 4

History

The dupiaza translates as "double onions" and was apparently first created by Mughal emperor Akbar Mullah Do Piaza (surely not) when he accidentally added too many onions to his dish. The dansak has roots in the Parsi community of India. It is traditionally made on Sundays because it takes so long to make. 

Dansak 6 Dupiaza 7

Look

Look is really not that important; most curries are not the easiest on the eye, but the dupiaza is a structural masterpiece of curling, climbing onions compared to the dansak which is a sloppy pasty mess - no contest.

Dansak 1 Dupiaza 10

Morning-after effect

Much is made of the after-effects of a curry, but I find that the following days eructations are the only reminder that curry was consumed the day before. Spicy burps are surely better than sweet and sour ones.

Dansak 6 Dupiaza 8

Name

The name dansak sounds like an oversized satchel that a young schoolboy would carry whereas the name dupiaza conjures connotations of beauty and wonder or perhaps an Italian restaurant.

Dansak 4 Dupiaza 8

Popularity

I couldn't find a definitive list of curries in order of popularity, but the number of pages that reference each curry is, perhaps, an indication of how popular each curry is. The dansak was a clear winner with close to 400,000 pages with the dupiaza struggling, getting less than 150,000. Neither get close to the tikka massala though.

Dansak 8 Dupiaza 3

Potential to stain

An important part of getting a takeaway is getting a nice yellow stain on the work-surface, which is bound to annoy at least one member of the household. For some strange reason Helen doesn't seem to appreciate the attractive yellow glowing spots that erupt in our kitchen the day after a curry. The dupiaza is far superior stainer, with perfect yellow oily drips leaping from the takeaway containers without fail on each order.

Dansak 5 Dupiaza 8

Price

Both meals are classics and often appear on the favourites list rather than the specialities. Thus, they are both amongst the cheapest of curries.

Dansak 10 Dupiaza 10

Punability

"If you have one of those, you'll be vin da loo all night," is a line that Indian waiters must really enjoy hearing. Neither the dansak or the dupiaza lend themselves to punning particularly. Perhaps, if you have a friend named Dan who is carrying a sack there is an opportunity, but there are slim pickings on the pun front with these two.

Dansak 3 Dupiaza 1

Taste

I am only one person and plenty of people prefer the dansak to the dupiaza, but when I dipped my naan bread into my wife's curry on Wednesday night, I was not impressed. It was not unpleasant, but I expect a lot more from my curries and the dupiaza is a deliverer of heart-racing delight on the taste front.

Dansak 6 Dupiaza 9

The Final Score: Dansak 57 Dupiaza 68

Drifter

As a child my pocket money each week would be divided between sweets and football magazines. The sweets would fly down my throat and the football magazine would be emptied of posters of Liverpool players that would then be attached to my wall. Any posters of other players would be neatly stored inside an exercise book to be traded at school later in the week. My small collection of coins had quickly become a tatty pile of paper on the floor by Saturday afternoon.

  Birthday money was a whole different affair though. The money was suddenly multiplied and the opportunities for expenditure suddenly seemed endless and I would be far more careful to spend my cash on things that would last a little longer: I think I bought slippers once. One birthday however, I decided that sweets were where life's pleasures were really at and so my request for presents was simply a list of sugary treats, the Drifter heading the list. I got plenty of sweets, but that wasn't enough. The money I'd been given too demanded to be spent on sweets and so over the course of three days I spent and consumed £50's worth of sweets: a quarter of rhubarb and custard, three Rolo eggs, a king-sized Slurpee from 7-Eleven, Fruit Pastilles, a tub of mint-choc-chip ice cream, a Sherbert Fountain, a small but expensive quantity of Pic 'n' Mix from Woolworths, a bar of Cadbury's Whole Nut, a banana Frijj milkshake, a Bounty and yet more Drifters (including some banana flavoured ones). Every sweet that had ever tempted my pocket money from my pocket was suddenly bought up in one frivolous spending spree. My parents marveled as after consuming one load of sweets I walked back down the road to buy yet more. 

  At the cessation of consumption, my wallet was empty and my stomach was full in a slightly dissatisfying gurgling gooey way. I regretted my purchases a little, but whilst most of my birthday money as a child was spent on forgettable things that seemed wonderful at the time, this spendathon is by far the most memorable and for every adult birthday I've had, my mum gift-wraps some Drifter bars so as to raise a commemorative and nostalgic chuckle. My expenditure might of been wasteful, but I'd unwittingly bought a memory.

  I don't much like Drifter bars now. I'm sure they used to be far chewier; now they taste like cardboard rocks. They disappeared for a while in the noughties because they included too many transfats apparently and perhaps their relaunch with reduction of these transfats has contributed to their decline in tastiness. I imagine Nestle had hoped that the Drifter would have been met with a similar excited fervour that the Wispa encountered, but it seems that Drifter does not hold a place in the chocolate hall of fame, just a slightly odd place in my brain. 

Drang

I have been absent from internet access in the sun-lavished (other than a rainy Tuesday morning) county of Cornwall. As ever my eye was on the search for things beginning with the fourth letter in the alphabet. Penning a poem about a crab fell one letter short, cycling leisurely along the coast from fishy Padstow to stony Wadebridge didn't supply me with material either, but then a sign caught my attention and I made our traveling party pause while I pointed my mobile phone camera in its direction to capture it: the sign, mounted twenty foot up in the air in simple black capitalised text, read 'DRANG'. 

  An initial internet search didn't seem to yield any answers. A German literary movement throwing off the constraints of rationalism didn't quite fit with the lively and increasingly commercialised Padstow. It also seemed unlikely that the sign was commemorating the first major battle between the Americans and the Vietnamese in 1965. It was not until I researched Cornish slang that I found that this sign simply means alleyway. If I had known I would have wandered down a drang and relayed to you an authentic drang experience. I could have even returned late at night and considered how drangs compare with more traditional alleyways as haunting locations for stories. In the absence of drang experience though, I shall conclude with attempting to communicate a small part of my holiday in the Cornish dialect:

  I paused in my reading of Wuthering Heights to chomp through to the nub. Helen wandered out to watch the dimixey, but Will (Helen's brother) had a touch of the tictolaroo and some thought (no one did really) that he had swallowed a paddypaws. He hadn't.